Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Patrick Carmody - Knoxville, TN
“It’s just so amazing to be here and everyone’s been really awesome. I definitely want to thank everyone who has been so kind…”
What setting best describes the blathering above? Was it overheard at the Olympic trials, or was it a Hollywood actor caught for an impromptu interview concerning an upcoming project? Or was it a regular, run-of-the-mill college student who has been volunteering to build houses? The answers are yes, yes, and yes. As of yet, no one has been able to copyright this dastardly phrase, for fear that the law won’t have teeth enough to prosecute infringement duly. The truth is, so many people press the mental play button on this “talk at ya” speech that full local economies would go penniless if suits were distributed.
But this article isn’t to berate those who don’t have enough to tell concerned media—and may not ever have much of substance to say, as the case may warrant. Indeed, that would do nothing to squelch the use of this conversationally evasive tactic. Instead, I urge people to use this classic response in every situation they can, so that everyone, simultaneously, will become exhausted with it, and as a result, people will see cause to pick their brains for more inspiring or appropriate banter. This is made possible because the passage in question is so adaptable, that with a swapping of a couple of pronouns and a change in intonation, it is suitable for all social climates.
Think, quick! You’re in a fender bender and the officer wants your opinion on the other drivers involved. What do you say? In somber, contrite tones, begin to mutter, “It’s just so…amazing [and shake your head]...to be here and…everyone’s been really awesome.”
When your boss asks you how you’re doing at work, this little number is bound to win you some brownie points. “Oh, well, it’s just really amazing to be working here and everyone’s been really awesome. I definitely want to thank every—” and the boss will cut you off at that point, telling you that no one asked for your life story, but you’re climbing the corporate ladder surely enough.
Don’t know how to say grace before dinner? I have the answer, and it’s not sacrilegious, it’s mentally frugal! Just go with your gut, and say “God [or Yahweh, or Baal, or Marduk, they all enjoy this approach equally] it’s just so amazing to be here, and You’ve been really awesome. I definitely want to thank You for everyone who has been so kind.”
Say you’re in a heated argument and you want out, quick. In an irritated, pleading fashion, simply offer, “It’s just…so amazing to be here [or with you, or your spouse, etc.], and everyone’s been…[get teary now] so awesome. I definitely…[force a cry-sniff] want to thank you for being so…kind [and go for that hug, you’ve earned it].”
Don’t know what to say on your first date with someone? Here’s an oldie but a goody: “It’s just really amazing to be here with you and everyone’s been really awesome [ostensibly wave to the kitchen staff, servers, or the theater usher]. I definitely want to thank you for being so kind.” See? Sometimes people like to be thanked for who they are.
Held hostage in a bank robbery and you don’t know what to say to the cameras once it’s over? Fear no more! “It’s just so blah blah blah, I definitely want to thank everyone for being really awesome, especially gun-brandishers Vince and Terry who are going away for five to ten. Tough break there, guys, but thanks for the cookies!”
See, people are already improvising and becoming more original. Robbers bringing cookies? Yeah, you can thank me later.
The point is this: not using your brain when you talk causes the people listening not to use their brains, either. People do often expect, on some occasion, for someone to step up to the plate and offer something thoughtful, perhaps inspiring. This cannot happen, however, in a society where people systematically offer up what is “really amazing” and “awesome” and what they “definitely” want to do.
comments
Patrick—Amazing and awesome and thanks for being so kind.
Scott
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