Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Mike Koivisto - Winston-Salem, NC
Summer Means I’m Smart Again
The end of summer is fast approaching. No, not the end of the actual season itself, but the “real” summer, when my kids are out of school, I can walk around guilt-free with my shirt off (pants are optional), and the neighbors go out of town so we can use their washing machine and watch their 67 inch plasma TV.
While I have always enjoyed the months of June, July and August, I have come to appreciate them so much more now that my kids are in school for the other nine months of the year. This is partially due to the fact these summer months allow me to spend extra time with them setting off illegal fireworks, teaching them how to carefully push the safety limits of an ATV, rounding up stray animals, and instructing them in how to pick the neighbors’ locks. But what I really enjoy about summers now is that my kids are away from school and the teachers who allow them to think that their father is not very smart.
My Dad Knew Everything
As a child growing up, I knew that my dad was the smartest man in the world. He was not just my teacher and mentor, but also a businessman and husband (to four different wives during my formative years). When my dad told me something, I knew it was a fact. I knew that the Commies were bad, American cars were the best, and that you were never too young to learn how to properly use profanity.
My dad home schooled me and ingrained these truths and many others into my brain for over twelve years. His school motto was, “Ignorance isn’t bliss. It’s a blast!” When I miraculously reached the age of 18, he finally deemed me ready to graduate. During my final semester, I received straight A’s in Fishing, Small Engine Repair, Weed Eating, Snake Handling, Taxidermy, and Home Brewing. With little drive to find a “real” job, I went on to a successful career as a substitute contributor for legitimate newspaper columnists who are naïve enough to think that their jobs will be waiting for them when they return from vacation.
A Home-School Dream
Since I enjoyed home-schooling so much as a student, I looked forward to one day teaching my youngsters the finer intricacies of education in a makeshift classroom in a basement with moisture problems. I wanted to have the opportunity to pass down generations of incorrect information to my own children and, as a result of my tutelage, have my kids to look up to me as much as I looked up to my Dad.
As my children approached school age, my home-school teaching dreams were shattered when I found out that there are now standardized tests that all kids, whether home schooled or not, have to pass to be able to move on to the next grade. After doing a minimal amount of research (which involved calling the State Board of Education using a fake voice), I was able to confirm that I was not qualified to teach my own children. It was at this point that I realized that I did not know a lot about “academic” subjects such as mathematics, history, science or grammar. While my dad did a great job teaching me about real world situations such as how to circumvent police checkpoints and fudge your financial records so that you only have to pay alimony to 25% of your ex-wives, it might have been good of he had taught me something about geography, English or social studies.
Changing Gears after Shattered Dreams
While I was disappointed that my kids would not learn from me, it turns out that may for the best in today’s world, as these professional teachers appear to know their stuff. My children are constantly teaching me new things and I now know that there are not just 50 state quarters, but fifty states, as well. Thankfully, today’s public education is teaching my children, who are in turn teaching me a lot of things – but not during the summer. During the summer, I still get to be as smart as my Dad.
comments
Mike—Fantastic. Wish I had written it.
Scott
Posted by Scott on 08.13.2008 at 07:14 pmAs a homeschool parent in the Unifour Area, I am nearly speechless over this article. And to make it worse, it was printed in the Hickory Daily Record.
I am sorry you had such a poor homeschool experience. Does that mean the rest of the homeschoolers in this area are having a terrible educational experience? No, it does not.
For the record, I have taught in a community college, and I am now teaching my six children at home. This was after we found out that our oldest child did not learn any math in 3rd grade in a local public school. It took me two years to get her caught up in math.
The greatest joy in my life is seeing my children learn new things. And, for the record, they are doing quite well on the standardized test that is adminstered to them each year.
I will say the homeschooling is not for everyone. But it is a valid educational choice for many families in the Unifour Area.
Did you know that there are 38,000 registered homeschools in North Carolina? Did you know that there are certified public school teachers who are teaching their own children at home? Did you know that there are homeschool parents who may not have a teaching certificate and are perfectly capable of teaching their children at home?
Obviously, this article is biased against homeschooling, and obviously, I am pro-homeschooling.
Just a view from another side of the fence.
Tami
Posted by Tami (NC) on 08.18.2008 at 06:53 pmAre you really a writer? I am sorry about your horrible childhood. Please don’t perpetuate negative stereotypes of homeschooling. I am surprised by your ignorance to homeschooling in this day and age. My children and academically gifted…yet our public school could only offer them one hour of the academically gifted program each week. My children were completely bored. Teachers are overworked, underpaid and not very appreciated. This then gets passed on to our children.
I educate my children at home because no other school could ever offer them what I could. There is so much information and resources….maybe if you took a minute of your time to research curriculum..you may have changed your mind. Sounds to me like may lack confidence in yourself to do anything short of writing uninteresting, offensive, inaccurate information. I am sorry for your children - to have a father who thinks so little of himself. Your children would fare better in public school. However, most parents who homeschool are devoted and dedicated to making their children’s education wonderful and enriching.
KIM
Posted by Kim (NC) on 08.18.2008 at 10:03 pmI really hope this article was written in jest because if it wasn’t it was written in bad taste. As a homeschooling parent, I am doing my best to teach my child and give her academic success. This is something the schools of NC was not doing for her. She was taught to memorize a weekly list of spelling words not how to sound out and spell words she didn’t know. She was shown how to add, subtract or multiply, again just memorize the facts. When the school system failed for 2 years to help me with a psychologist as they promised because academics were more importan than a child’s mental health and well-being, it was the final straw. I didn’t particularly want to homeschool my child but when the people to whom my tax dollars go to for such a service do not do what they are supposed to, they leave parents no choice but to take matters into our own hands. And some of us don’t want our children to be like everyone else’s children. We don’t want our children to be mass-molded into what the state, the school or the teacher wants and thinks is best, we want an individual who has individual thoughts and processes and interests. The confidence and actions of my child has improved so much since she left the public school scene. Even in 1st and 2nd grade, the children are mean and there is too much extraneous activity that has nothing to do with academic education and learning things that I don’t necessarily think my child should learn at age 7 and not from a teacher or student.
My child actually has more options for learning now that she is homeschooled than she had when she went to public school. There was never time after school for anything but homework. Now she can have piano lessons, foreign language and cultural lessons with a foreign national, cooking classes, sports and with the program that she is in she gets PE 3 times more often each week than her public school peers. She would never get this type of education in our school system.
Obviously like Tami, I am pro-homeschooling. It’s people who have views like the writer who give us homeschooling parents a bad name.
Posted by Melissa on 08.18.2008 at 10:05 pmThis article is so reidiculous that all I can think is it must be a farce. If your account is real then I’m sorry for you. I homeschool my grandkids and love watching them learn. I find homeschooled children to be delightful, respectful and quite intelligent and yes, that includes my own. Why do we homeschool? Because the PS teachers quite simply didn’t teach and assured us that we were the oens with a problem, NOT them.
What a sad attitude this “author” holds towards homeschoolers. So his dad was a failure at it, please don’t lump us all in the same category. I assure you that you and your father are very much in the minority. Maybe you should try teaching your own kids and see how rewarding it can be. Or better yet, sit in with a homeschool family for a day or two and see what an education is really supposed to be.
It’s ridiculous to judge a book by its cover and equally ridiculous to judge cancerned, loving parents who choose to take responsibilty for their children’s education. We choose to take responsibility for our children, teaching, testing and learning along with them. For the life of me, in a world where the (seeminly) vast majority refuse to take responsibility for their actions, I can’t understand why one bitter man would allow his own sad experience to try and ridicule wonderfully dedicated parents. You choose public schooling and we don’t ridicule you. Please afford the same respect to those of us who opt for teaching our own. By the way, do the research..There are many well known who homeschooled. http://www.home4schoolgear.com/famoushomeschooler.html
Educators
Frank Vandiver (President - Texas A&M;)
Fred Terman (President - Stanford)
William Samuel Johnson (President Columbia)
John Witherspoon (President of Princeton)
Generals
Stonewall Jackson
Robert E. Lee
Douglas MacArthur
George Patton
Inventors
Alexander Graham Bell
Thomas Edison
Cyrus McCormick
Orville Wright & Wilbur Wright
Artists
Claude Monet
Leonardo da Vinci
Jamie Wyeth
Andrew Wyeth
John Singleton Copley
Presidents
George Washington
Thomas Jefferson
John Quincy Adams
James Madison
William Henry Harrison
John Tyler
Abraham Lincoln
Theordore Roosevelt
Woodrow Wilson
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Scientists
George Washington Carver
Pierre Curie
Albert Einstein
Booker T. Washington
Blaise Pascal
Statesmen
Konrad Adenauer
Winston Churchill
Benjamin Franklin
Patrick Henry
William Penn
Henry Clay
United States Supreme Court Judges
John Jaya
John Marshall
John Rutledge
an on and on goes the list. I count us among the BEST.
I’m not sure how to respond to this article. At first I thought you were being serious, then sarcastic and then? Who knows? Now what was your point exactly?
Posted by Marsha on 08.18.2008 at 11:08 pmThis is a sad commentary on the state of the society. I’m not sure what the point of this piece was. Parents who choose to teach their children at home do so for a variety of reasons, none of which was mentioned in this hopefully piece of fiction. Interesting, I don’t see grammar or other obvious writing mistakes, I guess he is learning from his children. Hopefully they are teaching him some values also.
Posted by Laura on 08.19.2008 at 05:58 amHmmmmm customized education at home with someone who loves and wants only the very best for their child(ren) versus a cookie cutter education where everyone learns at the same speed in the same way whether it works or not,,,,seems like a no-brainer to me. Yup, it’s homeschooling for us!
Posted by nagwithay on 08.19.2008 at 07:17 amResearch has shown that homeschooled children do better by about 30% on average than there counterparts in public school. The public schools have started teaching to tests to show that they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. Once the test is done, school is done. They spend the last 2 weeks of the year playing games. The public schools teach in “packs”. If a child doesn’t learn the way the teacher teaches than oh well, the problem is with the child. 5 of my 6 children are kinetic learners. 3 of them really struggled to learn in the public school arena until high school. Homeschooling has given them the opportunity to excell because they were able to be taught in a way that helps them learn and my ADHD children don’t have to be medicated so they are also learning to control themselves rather than being controlled by medication as required by the public school system.
Everyone has a choice about their child’s education and must make that decision based on what is best for the child. Homeschooled children are typically far from ignorant and because of the individual attention are taught better social skills than some children who attend public schools. They have less peer pressure to get into things that they shouldn’t even be thinking about. They are taught by the people who love them the most. It’s a journey, not always an easy one in the beginning.
I cannot believe that one would write an article such as this. The final straw so to speak with the public school system was when my oldest child now 16 was told that she would have afterschool detention for asking too many questions. I saw a bumper sticker that says it all for me. “I homeschool because I’ve seen the village and I don’t want it raising my children.” By the way all three of my children have excelled on the standardized test each year even though they do not take tests any other time during the year. They volunteer in the community and spend time with a variety of people. They behave better not only at home, but in public as well. They are learning more at home than they ever had in public school and I for one couldn’t be happier with my decision.
Posted by Jennifer,Charlotte,NC on 08.19.2008 at 08:01 amHah! My daughter, who was homeschooled, just enrolled at a charter high school as a freshman. Her schedule is completely at 10th and 11th grade levels, plus she is enrolled in a couple college classes this year. After one week of institution education, she is BORED STIFF because her classes are too easy. The SAD TRUTH: the role of a teacher is no longer an educator as much as it is an entertainer and babysitter. It’s no wonder that there are many teachers who give up their “paid” profession to homeschool their own children, where they can make a viable impact in the academic future of this generation.
Posted by Becky Anderson on 08.19.2008 at 08:06 amI can’t stop laughing. I love this article. What a great sense of humor.
I have been unschooling my kids for 8 years. I think all the folks who are outraged need to chill and lighten up a little. Re-read the article with an open mind and one filled with humor and lot’s of sillies and you will calm down.
I remember on day driving with my kids and my 7 yr old dtr asked me if she could swear. Why? She replied she just wanted to. So we had at it, a real swearing contest. We laughed so hard, it is a great memory still to date. Try putting that on a standarized test!
So, I guess I once again have to be the odd duck, the only comment that gives your article a great review, I am only outraged that more people didn’t find it funny.
Lov’d the one about alimony….hey that’s real life math.
Take care….
still laughing in Eastern NC
A hilarious, tongue-in-cheek review on how various school boards, officials, and much of society view homeschooling. It was intended as such, correct??
Posted by homeschool mom on 08.20.2008 at 08:38 amI do not need to comment on much, for my fellow home school mom’s have done well.
I am sure you must have written this in sarcasm. If not, I feel for you and your up-bringing.
Personally, I have homeschooled all three of my children. Not only are they being taught Character; but also in the academics. So much so my son is doing dual enrollment in college: he tested out of all the intro. classes and jumped right into the college level courses. I am one in many who have experienced great success. We have wonderful public school teachers out there in the school systems who work so hard. We also have great home school teachers who have the top Universities seeking out their children to attend their schools. So, before you write any more on home schooling and process your opinions. I want to encourage you to do your research. Go to hslda.org; our legal/lawyers site {Home School Legal Defense Association}.
Thank you!
I have come to the conclusion that those who are anti-homeschool are simply jealous of those who do homeschool. I believe that for whatever reason, there must have been some deep rooted problems in their lives as a child to come to such conclusions as to who we are and what we do for the love of our children. I feel sorry for those individuals who hate us so badly. I feel sorry for their children who must be brought up with such negativity.
I have been a homeschool parent for 9 years. My children have been given the choice to decide for themselves if they wish to return to public school but they have chose not to. They know so many kids that go to public schools and see first hand what their lives have become. They don’t want to be part of it. It is amazing to see the difference in how much more mature my children are when they are in the presence of public school taught children. I can easily pick out children who are homeschooled when we are in public verses those who are public schooled. The difference is night and day! It’s not just academics that are taught but it’s so much more. They have friends who have told them how badly they wished they could be homeschooled and how lucky they are that they don’t have to put up the junk that they do in school. If sending my child to public school exposing them to teen pregnancy, drugs, alcohol and potty mouthed rebellion means a better education then NO THANK YOU! This world we live in will expose them enough. Why would I send them to school to learn it from people who don’t care about them but care only for the money they earn because it’s just a job . As a homeschool parent, no, we don’t get paid but as the commercial goes… “Teaching your own child…PRICELESS!”
To those few teachers in the school system who truly have a heart for the children. You are a rare gem! I commend you! The parents of those children who have you for a teacher are truly blessed. The sad thing is, they don’t realize what their child has.
I hope the individual who wrote this article can find peace with their past. How sad.
Posted by Homeschool Mom2 on 08.20.2008 at 04:09 pmIf this article is written tongue-in-cheek, to be humorous, as one filled with such off-the-wall, stereotypical and narrow-minded commentary *should* be, then it is kind-of funny.
If, however, this article was written as an expression of one person’s narrow-minded, stereotypical point of view of a viable and successful alternative to the public school education currently offered in America, then I would suggest that the author attempt another profession.
Sadly, even though homeschooling is becoming an ever-increasingly successful and viable method of educating our youth, many people hold the same view as the author - that a homeschooled child is held hostage by his or her parents, with no amount of input from the “outside world.”
Please, Mike Koivisto (author), try to be a bit funnier and make it MORE obvious that you are writing a satirical piece (if that indeed was what you were attempting), else people will believe you are truly uneducated and painfully ignorant, and you may not be hired to write again.
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