Thursday, July 24, 2008
Brenda Uldrick - Tobaccoville , N.C.
Greetings to all of Scott’s loyal readers, I hope this fill in column will not dissuade you from remaining loyal after he returns. Until reading Mr. Hollifields column on July 7, I had never considered the stress he was under writing his column. I’m now fully convinced that he badly needs a vacation, otherwise I predict a massive breakdown in his future. After going over his list of subjects that are dear to his heart, I knew I should make my first endeavor to write an article for him. I hope I can implement some of what he’s interested in.
My Grandpa’s name was Cleve Efram. He was a tiny little white haired man due to having rickets as a child I was told – possibly a reaction to goat’s milk. He was quite a character, my nickname is Evil due to a rather odd sense of humor that I’m sure I inherited from Grandpa Efram. He wasn’t afraid of anything or anybody, therefore I obtained a great deal of valuable advice and information from him. You should always keep either an iron pipe under the seat of your car, or the biggest Mag flashlight ever made just in case you come upon an irritated zombie, Bigfoot, Ric Flair or better yet a bunch of beer guzzling monkeys then you’ll be prepared to beat the dog snot out of them.
When I was eight years old, I was spending the day at his house as I did every chance I got. My Granny didn’t seem to be very fond of me and often hurt my feelings, as she had done that day. I was sitting on the front porch by myself when Grandpa came along and asked me why I wasn’t inside with the other kids, so I explained what had happened and he told me to meet him behind the house, so I did. Shortly he came out with two beers and some potato chips, hence we sat in the grass and I had my first beer at the ripe old age of eight. After we finished he asked me if I’d like to learn how to shoot the shotgun.
WELL OF COURSE I DID! What half drunk eight year old wouldn’t?!?!? What a day, one I’ll never forget. Nor will I ever forget him. I guess some would find his behavior questionable, but for me it was a valuable learning experience. I can only hope that while Scott is on vacation that he has even one-tenth the enjoyment that had with my Grandpa.
P.S. He would also tell me to let him keep the worthless promotional crap.
